As I tried to fall asleep last night without having a panic attack due to my sudden worrying of having a test in my Science class early this morning, I fell into a deep and heavy sleep, the likes of which I haven’t felt in a very long time. Of course, this had to be somehow negatively inflicted by having one of the darkest most fucked up dreams I’d ever had. So I wake up, an hour early, can’t fall back asleep, and prepared for class.
I got there, the room was empty. Am I in the right place? I went up a floor and down a floor, and realized that yes, I was in the right place to begin with. Nobody was there. And all I wanted to do was ask the teacher if I had missed a test or something. Fortunately, there was somebody there, a girl, who I could ask. She told me not to worry.
Don’t worry. I always worry. I’m a worrier. I worry constantly. My heartrate is probably twice what it should be, way too early in my life. The worries creep into my subconscious and infect my soul and entire inner self. It pours out of me in negative ways and forms of addictive behaviour and depression. I have yet to define who I am, and it feels weird.
So now I’m sitting here. In my room. Listening to Yann Tiersen, Sigur Ros, and Simon & Garfunkel. It is these artists that truly capture my neurotic and overemotional psychological states. They really get to it this early in the morning.
You know, if people actually knew me more over here, they might understand more. It’s probably my fault for not telling them anything about me. People just wait for their turn to speak, in the end, and I just nod and keep silent. What’s the point.
If you haven’t yet, I recommend “Elegy at Dunkirk” by Dario Marianelli off the Atonement soundtrack. Glorious.
